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**HALF-ASSED SPOILERS AHEAD**

“They’re a CGI nightmare!”
That was the reply I gave for almost 20 years when people would ask me if I saw any of the Marvel movies. That was what I always thought to myself when I saw ads for the latest Marvel movie right up until 2019.
CGI nightmares, all of them! Why? Because in the late 90s and early 2000s, CGI technology was awful. And it was awful because it was still improving. And like a dumbass it never occurred to me that perhaps technology has improved light years in 2 decades. But all I could think about were the CGI nightmares that are the Star Wars prequel trilogy and The Mummy Returns (Mummy Returns is a great movie overall but bloody hell, the Rock-Scorpion King thing was shite!).

That all changed for me one Saturday in March of 2019. I got bored and Avengers: Endgame was due to come out in theaters in the summer.
So I thought, “Screw it!” I had time to kill and we were in an age where you can rent movies and stream them via devices like my Playstation 4. So I posted on my alternate, super secret Facebook page that I was going to rent and watch Iron Man for the first time ever. And if Iron Man blew me away I would watch more Marvel movies.

I closed my browser window so I would not be tempted to see any notifications from Facebook (my desktop is right beside me on an end table in my living room). I put on my 7.1 surround sound Sony headphones and rented Iron Man for $4.99CAD. Once the sack was removed from Tony Stark’s head and we see that he is surrounded by masked terrorists as a small video camera records, I was hooked. That was an image many of us are familiar with and a HUGE way at least get my ignorant “CGI nightmare” ass glued to my seat.

Already long story short, I loved Iron Man and am now an MCU junkie. I own all phase 1-3 movies on blu-ray and a few on 4k. I have a ton of digital comic books on my Amazon Fire tablet and I have two Marvel posters on my wall. Two of only three things hanging on my walls.
I have since watched all of the phase movies but I didn’t watch ALL of them in my first run through. There were already a lot of movies in the phases to watch at the time, so I Googled and asked for a list of movies in the phases that you really should watch if you want to understand things in Endgame. Those will be denoted in my list with **.
So check out my casual fanboy reviews below. And for any purists out there who may take issue with me not knowing any names, I hope to be as knowledgeable as you some day. I’m actually typing this out in real time at work. Everything is from memory. It’s part of my half-assed charm.

PHASE ONE

In phase one we are introduced to the first batch of characters. This phase was important to keep ignorant skeptics myself coming back.

IRON MAN**
My rating: 9/10
CEREAL: Millionaire playboy Tony Stark becomes Iron Man.
GRAPE JUICE: Loved it! As I said, I was hooked early. I really love the origin stories in the phase films. I went into this one thinking Tony Stark was already Iron Man. I had never heard of a superhero movie that starts out before the protagonist was a superhero. And before anyone What-about’s me, I said I had never heard of one. So seeing the ‘humble beginnings’ of a superhero was new and great. Great story of Playboy millionaire Tony Stark becoming Iron Man after realizing the weapons he was selling to fight terrorism were also being sold to terrorists to fight American’s.

THE INCREDIBLE HULK
My Rating: 4/10
CEREAL: Dr. Bruce Banner is being chased by the U.S. government but they end up needing him in the end.
GRAPE JUICE: SO much green! I did not watch this in my first run through because the Hulk wasn’t a character that interested me enough for a standalone movie. Plus, a lot of reviews I read weren’t the biggest fans of Ed Norton as Bruce Banner. I agree. And SO MUCH GREEN! I believe the first time I watched this was when I recorded commentary for MOVIE BUDDY. I remember always bringing up all of the green. Bonus points for filming in Toronto but the actual Hulk himself bordered on CGI nightmare for me. And too much focus on the romance angle with Liv Tyler. I love Liv but this is the Hulk. The final battle between Hulk and Abomination and seeing familiar Toronto sites was cool.

IRON MAN 2
My Rating: 7/10
CEREAL: MIckey Rourke accuses Tony Stark of stealing his design and challenges him to a fight.
GRAPE JUICE: This was another one that I skipped for my first run through but recorded my first viewing for MOVIE BUDDY! It was fine. Some of the phase movies I own physically are simply to have the complete collection. This is one of those ‘to complete the collection’ titles for me. Much like The Incredible Hulk, I wouldn’t watch this again unless someone wanted to or I had a sudden urge to watch all phases in their entirety again. It’s not a bad movie. We met Black Widow. It just doesn’t move the overall UNIVERSAL story for me. And it wasn’t on the list I Googled so yeah.

THOR**
My Rating: 9/10
CEREAL: Thor is about to be crowned King of Asgard but he pisses off his father, loses all of his powers and gets banished to Earth.
GRAPE JUICE: Another origin story and another that I watched on my first run through. I fucking LOVE this movie and love Chris Hemsworth as Thor! I went into this movie skeptical because it was the first not-of-this-Earth superhero I was going to see. My fears, as far as that goes, were quickly squashed with a quick explanation of things between Thor and Natalie Portman as they sit at a campfire. Thor explained how in his world magic and science work together. He explained it a lot better than I just did but it worked for me. And this movie is so awesome, Thor officially became my favorite Marvel superhero!

CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER**
My Rating: 10/10
CEREAL: A twirpy Steve Rogers wants to enlist in the army to fight the Nazis but he’s denied because of his body and overall health. So he takes a different route and becomes Captain America!
GRAPE JUICE: This was a movie that I wanted to skip but was on the list of movies that I should watch. So I watched it and I loved it! I am not afraid to admit that I was fooled in the beginning by ‘twirpy’ Chris Rogers. I watched this movie for the first time thinking, “Damn, that skinny dude probably filmed these scenes two years ago then spent the next two years building up!” That is how advanced CGI had become. Granted, I have heard people say that the CGI of ‘twirpy’ Steve was obvious but it wasn’t to me. But it’s not just the awesomeness of becoming Captain America that makes me love this movie, it’s also Haley Atwell. As Peggy Carter she is damn great! A badass and sexy as hell. Hugo Weaving as Red Skull. I had no idea that the Bucky character was going to be anything, especially after he plunged. This is also where the first Infinity Stone is introduced. I love this movie. So much that it is one of the ones I own on 4K and why Captain American became my favorite Marvel superhero!

THE AVENGERS**
My Rating: 8/10
CEREAL: Thor’s brother Loki comes to Earth looking for the Tesserac….Tesserak…Blue Infinity Stone and only Earth’s mightiest heroes, plus Thor, can stop him!
GRAPE JUICE: This movie was my first introduction to Black Widow since I did not watch Iron Man 2 on my first run through. It was also Mark Rufalo’s debut as Bruce Banner. He’s is definitely better as Bruce Banner, in my opinion. The Hulk even looks better visually. Scarlet is excellent as Black Widow. We get to see some hero vs hero action in this movie which was great.

Overall I like phase one for the origin stories. Except the Hulk. SO much green!

PHASE TWO

IRON MAN 3
My Rating: 5/10
CEREAL: Tony Stark has a bunch of different Iron Man suits and uses them to fight against other Iron Man suits.
GRAPE JUICE: Another one that I did not watch on my first run through but recorded my first viewing for MOVIE BUDDY, exclamation point. This is the one where they give Tony Stark a kid sidekick, I think. It’s either this one or part two. Either way I’ve only watched this one once. Check out the MOVIE BUDDY recording if you want a real time first reaction. I just remember a bunch of Iron Man suits fighting each other as beautiful Gwyneth Paltrow is stranded in the middle on a battleship. Just to complete the collection, forgetful, sue me, next.

THOR: THE DARK WORLD**
My Rating: 6/10
CEREAL: A bad guy awaits for cosmic galaxies to align so he can use a powerful weapon to destroy those galaxies all at once.
GRAPE JUICE: This one was on the list. I forget why it was important to understand the universal story but it was on the list. I was pumped going into this movie but I think there was too much Earth in it and not enough Asgard. Something didn’t work for me. This is also where Natalie Portman’s character Jane Foster gets a little too curious and ends up getting injected with a little juice that she will take advantage of in phase four. So a bad guy comes to Earth to await the cosmic alignment and Thor comes to stop him. Yep. Just to complete the collection.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER**
My Rating: 8/10
CEREAL: A new mysterious baddie has hit the streets and he’s kicking everyone’s ass.
GRAPE JUICE: Lots of great action! Like I said about The First Avenger, I had no idea the Bucky character was going to be anything. Captain America finds out his childhood friend is alive and has been transformed into a destructive evil super solider using brainwashing methods. When Captain discovers that the baddies are creating an army of destructive evil super soldiers, he must stop them with the help of Black Widow. But what to do if Captain comes face-to-face with his destructive evil brainwashed super soldier childhood friend? We also meet Sam Wilson, aka Falcon. A badass.

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 1**
My Rating: 9/10
CEREAL: Fucking Starlord is kidnapped as a child by space pirates who raise him into fucking Starlord! He and a group of other unusual suspects must band together to stop the evil Ronin from getting his hands on one of the Infinity Stones!
GRAPE JUICE: This was actually the first MCU movie I bought. And I bought it before my first run through because Dave Batista is in it. But I never watched it until my 2019 first run through. So awesome! Every character is great. We learn more about the infinity stones and their power. Great soundtrack. I don’t have it on 4K yet but I intend to because I love this movie so much Starlord became my favorite Marvel superhero!

THE AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON**
My Rating: 10/10
CEREAL: The Avengers assemble once again to fight a rogue super-bot intent on destroying Earth.
GRAPE JUICE: A lot of people dump on this movie. I was just okay with it after my first viewing but grew to love it. Initially I was turned off by the Wanda character and referred to her style of combat as ‘Harry Potter-like’. But I watched it again and fell in love with it to the point where I put this above the first Avengers movie. I love Wanda now. Why? Because she’s hot. Sorry not sorry but it took Elizabeth Olsen being hot as Wanda Maximoff for me to pay more attention to her character. And she is not only hot as Wanda but fucking GREAT as Wanda! We are also given a little hint about Wakanda in this film. Ultron is a great villain and I love his humor.

ANT-MAN
My Rating: 9/10
CEREAL: Tech savvy criminal Scott Lang steals the Ant-Man gear from the old Ant-Man and becomes the new Ant-Man and has to fight an evil flying Ant-Man with big evil little plans!
GRAPE JUICE: I didn’t watch this on my first run through but I wish I did. The effects are great and I still love the origin stories. A lot of great visual humor and action. This is the guy that a lot of people on the internet joked was going to kill Thanos in ENDGAME by crawling up his ass! Michael Douglas is excellent as Dr. Pym and Evangeline Lilly as his ambitious daughter who wants to be the one who dons the suit as the new Ant-Man/Woman. All great. Don’t skip this one.

I love phase two with the introduction of new characters and the continuing of the Infinity Stone storyline. We got our first glimpse of Thanos in Guardians of the Galaxy and I was definitely happy that I was able to watch almost all of the movies in a short period of time as opposed to having to wait.

PHASE THREE

CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR**
My Rating: 10/10
CEREAL: The Avengers have caused bazillions of dollars in damages worldwide and the suits are sick of it. They want Earth’s mightiest heroes to sign an agreement stating that they cannot break anymore things without permission. Some agree to, some don’t. So they fight!
GRAPE JUICE: For a while I thought this was an Avengers movie in title because of how many established and new characters are in it. We meet Black Panther and Spider-Man for the first time. I watched this movie thinking how badass Thanos has to be if all of these superheroes, with their powers, struggle against him. Marvel had done an excellent job up to this point building up the powers of the heroes.

DOCTOR STRANGE**
My Rating: 9/10
CEREAL: Legit doctor, Doctor Steven Strange loses the use of his hands due to a car accident and goes on a desperate search to heal himself only to become legit superhero, Doctor Strange!
GRAPE JUICE: I planned on skipping this for my first run through. I thought to myself, “A superhero doctor? Shite!” But when I announced to the world (posted on Facebook) that I was going to watch the MCU movies for the first time someone replied that I needed to make sure I watched Doctor Strange before Thor: Ragnorok. So I watched it and loved it! Another great origin story. Another great superhero with awesome powers to fight Thanos! The time loop at the end is awesome!

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 2**
My Rating: 10/10
CEREAL: The Guardians meet Starlord’s father who is an evil galactic jigalo.
GRAPE JUICE: I love the Guardians! Another great soundtrack. We learn about Starlord’s father, played greatly by Kurt Russell. We also meet Mantis who I don’t get at all. She can feel people’s emotions and put them to sleep by touching them. I never saw her throw a punch, a kick, an elbow, a chair, nothing. Not in this movie or any of the following that she is in. I’ve seen her do a fight pose but that’s it. I still like her, though. Great movie. I even got choked up and teary-eyed during the Ravager funeral. Guardians rock!

SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING
My Rating: 6/10
CEREAL: Peter Parker is still a superhero in training and also a typical high school teenager who wants to take a girl to the school dance but her father is secretly a super-villain dealing in weapons.
GRAPE JUICE: I skipped this for my first run through. Spider-Man doesn’t work for me as a standalone movie character for some reason. I don’t know if it’s because earlier versions of Spider-Man from the early 2000s were on my list of movies I would accuse of being CGI nightmares or what. This movie wasn’t bad. Seeing Michael Keaton play a comic book villain was cool. He plays a great villain (‘Pacific Heights’ anyone?). Maybe it’s because Spider-Man isn’t so much a man as he is a kid. Fine movie but just to complete the collection for me.

THOR: RAGNOROK**
My Rating: 10/10
CEREAL: Thor tries to prevent the destruction of Asgard while also dealing with an evil sister he didn’t know existed.
GRAPE JUICE: So good! Poor Thor has so much piled on his plate in this one. Working with Loki. Fighting the Hulk. Held hostage by an hilarious Jeff Goldblum. Stopping his estranged and sexy as hell evil sister from trying to takeover Asgard as the rightful Queen. As much as I love the Thor origin movie I have to give Ragnarok the nod as my favorite Thor movie. Did I mention Cate Blanchett as Hela is sexy as hell?

BLACK PANTHER**
My Rating: 9/10
CEREAL: King T’Challa of Wakanda is challenged by a relative he never knew existed for the throne of Wakanda and title of Black Panther.
GRAPE JUICE: I fucking LOVE Black Panther’s suit powers! How it absorbs and stores impact only to release some kind of atomic wavy thing that kicks the ass of anyone in the vicinity! I love the all-female royal guard, the Dora Milaje. I want to live in Wakanda and not let any outsiders in after me. Michael B. Jordan as evil wannabe Black Panther is excellent and I wish they would use the Infinity Stones to bring him back now that Chadwick Boseman is no longer with us. I legit got choked up at the opening ceremonies for the re-crowning of the King at the beginning. The visuals and music were excellent. Love Black Panther!

AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR**
My Rating: 10/10
CEREAL: Evil cosmic super-villian Thanos has decided to get the Infinity Stones himself so he can wipeout half of all life in an overpopulated universe.
GRAPE JUICE: After I watched and loved Iron Man and knew that I was going to continue watching the movies, I went out and bought Infinity War on blu-ray and set it aside until it was time. No doubt my favorite of all the MCU movies. I love Thanos even more than Darth Vader as a villain. I went into Infinity War my first time thinking Thanos would get half of the stones here and go for the other half in Endgame. I fucking love Infinity War from beginning to end so much that I will put the 4K version on just for ambience.

ANT-MAN & THE WASP
My Rating: 10/10
CEREAL: Current Ant-Man helps the former Ant-Man rescue his wife, the former Wasp, from the micro-universe where she has been stranded in limbo for many years while also fending off a mysterious ghost-like character causing problems.
GRAPE JUICE: That’s right! 10/10! I love Ant-Man! I love Evangeline Lilly as Wasp. Lilly is great as an action badass, IMO. She is great as Wasp and great as the elf in the Hobbit trilogy. And I love that they spend some time in the itty-bitty micro world as it is something I wonder about every now and then. All of the little microbes floating around us that we can’t see but have their own world so small that they probably can’t even see us! And great effects using big and small people and things. Don’t skip Ant-Man & Wasp!

CAPTAIN MARVEL
My Rating: 7/10
CEREAL: Carol Danvers becomes Captain Marvel in the 90s as there is a race to discover the secret of light speed travel….at least I think that’s what happened.
GRAPE JUICE: Okay let me start off by saying that I am not one of those people who crapped on this movie before seeing it because of an out of context comment Brie Larson made. I didn’t hate this movie. I liked that it took place in the 90s and Brie Larson’s ass is sweet in the Captain Marvel suit. Unfortunately, for me Brie Larson doesn’t work as a superhero. Her acting is very wooden in this movie and her movements during action and running are slow except when it is obviously the stuntwoman on screen. It was jarring seeing shots cut from fast kicking and punching stuntwoman wide shot to slow and wooden Brie Larson close up. But at least her ass was slammin’.

AVENGERS: ENDGAME**
My Rating: 10/10
CEREAL: After Thanos wiped out half the population of the universe, the Avengers go into action to reverse everything and kick his ass.
GRAPE JUICE: This was the first MCU movie I saw in the theater. So good. They did ruin our idea of time travel but what the hell do we know about time travel outside of what we’ve seen in movies and on TV? So many great moments. The final battle is amazing. If you don’t get goose bumps when the portals open and Captain America gives the order to assemble, there’s something wrong with you. And of course, the ending and how they defeated Thanos. I got choked up and still do. I just wish they included the taking of a knee scene in the theatrical version instead of as a deleted scene in the blu-ray extras.

SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME
My Rating: 7/10
CEREAL: Peter Parker goes on a class trip to Europe where bad things happen.
GRAPE JUICE: Sorry not sorry but as I said before, Spider-Man doesn’t do it for me as a standalone character. Saw this in the theater where I had to tell a couple of giggling girls behind me to shut up because they had to provide commentary every time Tom Holland did something they thought was cute. So basically Spider-Man meets Mysterio who acts as his friend but isn’t a friend. Spider-Man beats him, the woman who plays MJ is hot AF, the end.

I love phase three. For me it ends at Endgame but what can you do. But I still can’t get over the fact that I love these movies now. If you were to tell me in 2018 that I would start watching these movies and love them as much as I do I would have called you a filthy liar. Unfortunately now that I’m all caught up on the MCU, I have to wait in real time for the next movie like everyone else. But that two weeks I spent on my first run through of select MCU movies was good times! And Elizabeth Olsen is smokin’ hot as Wanda. Somkin’ hotter as Scarlett Witch! Smokin’ hot in life!